From the Middle of a Hectic Week

once again,
I am scattered
without priority,
as if I have unbridled
myself —
my options a chaos:
read work dream pray go still press on talk listen write be verse.

Monday, in spin,
my right foot came loose
from its clip.
I had a sudden sense of pedaling unmoored,
a flock of startled heartbeats, a panic —
while my always-steady left leg
still cycled dutifully —
before I remembered
the STOP
brake and pushed
until the bike stilled and
I could reorient the right.
I was so shaky,
uneasy, unstable,
not pushing hard for the rest of class,
but of course I was fine
and could have pushed hard,
stable, steady.

can I draw myself
back together
now within?
pull the disparate pieces back
so tight my heart beats
in my hands,
following the urgent care
Simplicius recommends,
the sternness saying
it is OK to be unsteady now? —
interrupt it,
do not slacken for slackening’s sake.

not wanting to be like this
is like wishing to be ever-healthy.
it is only snaring myself in filaments of time
and my annoyance at how possibility
flees so fast I am overwhelmed,
no longer seeing.

I stop
myself so I can collect
this shattered momentum,
bring it back,
clip back in,
recenter on the goal.

only to find I am already following
like the heliotrope who cannot but
follow the sun.